MY UNICORN IS !!! TEN POINTS?

My baby unicorn (about 7.1 million years) is misbehaving. She eats little kids and is constantly choking. If she isn't eating kids she is eating other unicorns!!!! ALL SHE EVER talks about is how she wants to be a vampire unicorn and eat pencils. She poos rainbows and gumdrops on the floor and pees glitter on the ceiling! I left her alone for 8 seconds yesterday and when i walked into the kitchen it was full of llamas! LLAMAS! When I asked her what she was doing she said she was making a llama swing set!!!!! Maybe i need to get her a friend. Do you know where i can find more unicorns? I found this unicorn in a 15th Century well. She weighs 7 pounds. SHE IS LIKE 100 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT FOR A UNICORN!! Everyone knows unicorns are usually negative 109 pounds. She never brushes her teeth and she smells like pencil shavings. Any advice of how to make her behave? and how to make her lose weight?